Closer and Closer

The time is drawing close to my due date. I find that I am extremely impatient, yet at the same time, enjoying the remaining time of just Vlad and I. I try to do a bit of reflection on some things (some would argue that this always bodes negative) and one of them is the time that Vlad and I have had together as a couple. I am very sad to see it ending--not that we will lose that, but we will transition into a new kind of normal. It is my goal to remember that we were a couple first before we made this decision to become parents.

Which leads to my next bit of reflection--this huge dark void of what happens after baby is here. There are the common concerns: how do I do this, how do I do that, can I take care of a baby, will I make mistakes, etc. Those are natural and easily overcome within the first couple of months as you find your groove with baby and adapt to the "new normal". My thoughts center on the question that has continued to plague me: How do you raise a "good" child?

One thing that I enjoy while out is to observe people and their interactions. In the case of parents and their children, it is an interesting range of behaviors. From my view point, families have become child-centric with everything revolving around the wants and desires of their children. Notice that I say "wants" rather than "needs". There is a difference in not providing the things your child needs, rather than catering to their every "want". There is a sense of entitlement that I do not understand and should that desire not be fulfilled a tantrum ensues that makes my eye twitch.

Call me old-fashioned (go ahead and do it!) but I have a distinct memory of having expectations of what my behavior was to be when we were out in public. Should we deviate from that because things did not go my way, there were consequences that were carried out in the form of a spanking. Let me clarify, that I can probably county on two hands the number of times I was spanked as a child. I got the point! Was I denied the things I wanted? Absolutely not, but I also knew that making a a scene about it WAS NOT the way to go about it.

Then there is the way the children address adults. I'm sorry, but when is it acceptable to roll your eyes or use the term "whatever"? Yeah, that's right, its not. Had I done that to my father, or mother for that matter, I would not have made it to adulthood with all my teeth in place.

In any case, whatever the case for families, I have my own wishes for the development of my son who will grow up to be a man.

Dear Baby,

Keep the following in mind as your navigate life:

• Always treat people with respect. Period. No questions. Everyone has a role to play and you never know when the roles will be reversed.
• Anything worth having is worth working for. Nothing feels as great as knowing that you worked to gain something you really want.
• Do not worry about what other children do (especially in school). This is a lesson that is only learned in retrospect, but you will learn that the "cool" kid really didn't have all the answers to life...or love.
•  An education is important. Boy, is it important. Again, something you learn in retrospect. 
• Sometimes I will be able to protect you, but sometimes you will have to find out on your own. Just know that you will have to live with the choices that you make.
• Some things happen that can't be explained, but your reaction to them can be explained. Look forward, never back.
• You will make mistakes. Accept it now. Mistakes are the building blocks to where you want to go.
• Possibilities are endless but you have to create your path through the possibilities to determine the direction you want to take in life. 

 It is our job as parents to make sure you have the necessary foundation to be able to make these decisions and have confidence in your ability to make them and feel good about them. I promise to do my best to make that happen. Just remember that we loved you before we even knew you and will love you more once you are here.

Love,

Your Mom